The vices of the signs

We all have our quirks, and below we list those associated with each star sign.

Aries: It’s as if someone told an Aries that life is a sprint, and he set off without even tying his shoelaces. Impatient and ready for action, they won’t even wait for you to finish your sentence before telling you their plan. Oh, and if you tell them to take it easy, you’d better run!

Taurus: A Taurus could sit on the same sofa forever, eating their favourite food and refusing to get up, even if the house were on fire. Stubbornness? In essence, a Taurus believes that the word «change» is synonymous with «disaster». Who needs change when they have a good meal and a comfortable sofa?;

Gemini: If you could put a radio inside a Gemini’s brain, you’d hear at least three different stations at the same time. They’re the sort of person who’ll say to you «Let’s make plans!», rush off all excited, and the next day say to you, «What plans?». Concentration is as elusive as trying to catch the wind.

Cancer: You know that saying, «Don’t take it personally»? Cancer has no idea what it means. They have the unique ability to remember what you said to them back in 2013, even though you’d forgotten it by the very next day. Also, remember not to mess with their nest – that’s where they hide their tears, their memories and every old message you ever sent them.

Leo Leo was born to be the centre of attention. If you don’t give him the attention he thinks he deserves, he’ll simply take it. And if you can’t admire them enough, they’ll show you how to do it properly. Think of them as the lion of the jungle: if you don’t look at them, they’ll start roaring until you do!

Virgo: When someone says «Perfect», Virgo says «Hmm, let’s check that». They’re the sort of person who’ll give you feedback even if you haven’t asked for it. And yes, they’ll think about it so much that they’ll draw up a list of every possible mistake you’ve made, even if they’re just hypothetical. You never know when you might need a thorough review of your life, do you?;

Libra: A Libra will take half an hour to decide whether they want coffee or tea, and will eventually go for a hot chocolate. The word «balance» is their motto, but making decisions is a constant struggle for them. If you let them choose, get ready for a long discussion – or better still, choose for them to save yourself the trouble!

Scorpio? The king of mystery! He’ll never tell you what he’s really thinking, but he’ll give you an intense look that’ll make you wonder what he’s hiding. As for his secrets? Don’t expect him to ever reveal them to you. Oh, and never, ever betray him. If you do, you’d better vanish from the face of the earth!

Sagittarius: Sagittarius is like the friend who says «Let’s go away for the weekend!» and then you realise you’re in the middle of the Amazon with a tent and a cheese pie. The word «exaggeration» is written into their DNA, and if you tell them something isn’t possible, they’ll do it just to prove you wrong.

Capricorn: If Capricorn hadn’t written the manual for success, then who would have? He’s so serious that if you tell him a joke at work, he’ll glance at his watch and remind you how many minutes you were late for the meeting. If you take it lightly, he’s ready to send you next year’s diary.

Aquarius: Aquarius is the sort of person who’ll talk about futuristic plans and live in the year 2050, whilst the rest of us are still stuck in 2024. If you try to understand them, good luck! They’ll be telling you how the world will be saved, whilst you’re trying to explain why your recipe didn’t work out. They live on another planet, but we love them for it.

Pisces: You’ll usually find a Pisces somewhere else. In his dreamworld, probably. He’s so sensitive that if you say ‘good morning’ to him in the wrong tone, he’ll dwell on it for hours. But his love of art and emotion is overwhelming. If you wake him from his dreams, you’d best have a coffee to hand so he’ll forgive you.

****Look out for a TikTok video on this topic at @christinaster