If your relationships had a title, for many people it would look like this:
«There was love, but something was always missing.».
Maybe he was married.
Perhaps emotionally absent.
Maybe there was distance, work, kids, ex, fear.
And almost always, a third person - even if it wasn't clearly visible.
If this is familiar to you, it does not mean you are making «wrong choices».
It means that your system leads you there.
What we mean when we say «system»
When we say system, we do not mean something theoretical or abstract.
We mean the family you grew up in and everything you carry from it, even if you didn't experience them directly. Parents, grandparents, relationships, breakups, breakups, losses, secrets, people who were excluded or forgotten. All of these create a «map» within you that determines how you love, who you fall in love with and what you are allowed to experience.
Simply put:
you don't just operate as a person.
Operators as a member of a system, and many of your choices are not conscious, but ways to keep this system in balance.
What is systemic representation
Systemic representation is a way to you see this system in front of you, instead of carrying it inside without knowing it. It's not talk, it's not advice, and it's not «character analysis». It is an experiential process where it is clear who has what position and who carries burdens that do not belong to them.
When the system is seen, no effort is needed to change. The change comes of its own accord, because the body and emotion understand what the mind could not explain. And then, without force, the way you relate changes - and in love.
The crucial point that almost no one says
In systemic representation there is a basic principle:
We don't fall in love by accident. We fall in love where the system “recognizes” something familiar.
People who get into trouble repeatedly:
- in love triangles
- with unavailable partners
- in relationships that are never consummated
they don't do it because they are unlucky, but because on some deeper level full proximity is not permitted.
Not because they don't want it.
But because something in them is tied up elsewhere.
Example 1: «I always fall in love with married people»
A woman says:
«I don't choose it. It just happens. Singles don't attract me.»
In the systemic representation, it is often revealed that:
- there is a strong unconscious belief in the mother
- or a history of betrayal/abandonment in the family system
- or a message such as: “Women in our generation do not have the man exclusively their own”
The married man fits perfectly into the system:
- there is love
- there is tension
- but it does not threaten the deep faith in the past
Example 2: «When he gets serious, something goes wrong»
A man always enters into relationships that start out strong but:
- the other one is not ready
- there is distance
- there is emotional blockage
In the representation, it often appears that:
- a previous partner has not “gone away” internally
- or there is a bereavement/loss that has not been acknowledged
- or an unconscious phrase: “If I go forward, I betray”
Thus, the unavailable partner acts as a safe limit.
The love triangle is not a mistake - it is a mechanism
This is perhaps the most difficult point to accept:
The love triangle is not the problem. It's the solution the system came up with.
Solution for:
- to have love without total exposure
- there is tension without full commitment
- to maintain an old balance without disturbing
Therefore:
- people change, not the pattern
- there is always “something” standing between
- and the story ends before it is finished
The crucial question is not «why the other person cannot»
The real question is:
Who or what am I already tied/attached to, so that I cannot be fully present?;
This it is not answered with thought, but only when the system shown at.
✨ And that's what systemic representation does.
👉 https://astrina.setmore.com/
Book a session and see what story you are living without knowing it.
What is revealed in a systemic representation
In a systemic representation we are not looking for who is to blame.
Searching where you belong without knowing it.
Very often, when one falls in love with unavailable people, the representation shows that:
- stands emotionally behind a parent
- looks towards an old love story not completed
- or is «in between» two actions, without having fully taken its place
And then something spectacular happens:
the unavailable partner no longer appears as a person, but as symptom.
It's like the system says:
«This is as far as I can go. No closer.»
Example 3: «I am always the third»
Some people are not just in triangles.
It's always the third one.
In systemic representation, this is often associated with:
- someone who has been excluded from the family system
- a love that was not recognized
- or a place that was never given (e.g. a child who “didn't fit in”)
Man then learns, unconsciously:
«My love has a place only in the margins.»
Thus, the role of the third party becomes familiar. And it is repeated.
What changes when this becomes apparent
Change does not come with a press release «from tomorrow I will choose differently».
It comes when the system is relieved.
When:
- everyone takes his place
- the old stories are recognized
- and unconscious loyalties are loosened
then something very quiet but crucial happens.
👉 You stop being attracted to the unavailable.
Not because you «did a job on yourself»,
but because you don't need it anymore.
«What if love goes away?»
This is a common internal concern.
The answer is simple but profound:
Love doesn't go away.
The drama is gone.
And then:
- love becomes calmer
- the desire more pure
- and the relationship more present
The most important thing you need to know
If you find yourself again and again:
- in love triangles
- with people who «can't»
- in relationships that do not progress
doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.
It means that something old is asking to be seen.
✨ If you feel it's time, we can work on it together.
👉 https://astrina.setmore.com/
Systemic representation session.
Not to change.
But to stop carrying stories that aren't yours.
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